Nine things you definitely shouldn't eat in bed

Everyone loves a lazy morning or a cosy evening. Relaxing in bed with some great food is one of the cornerstones of a good weekend. But, eating food in bed is a risky business. Nobody wants questionable stains, odd smells or crumbs to ruin their sanctuary of sleep. We’ve put together a comprehensive list of foods you should definitely avoid eating when in bed. 

Smoked mackerel pate: Spread over some slices of toasted sourdough, smoked mackerel pate can make the perfect snack. The smell of fish, however, will linger in the air long after you have devoured it. Whilst capturing the essence of the sea in your bedroom with coastal interior design is popular, this is perhaps is a step too far.

Durian: The fruit from south-east Asia has only been on sale in the UK for four years - and for good reason. Despite its ambrosial taste, the custard-like fruit is renowned for its infamously pungent smell. Unless you would like your bed to smell of a mixture of sewage, rotting flesh and a very ripe cheese, it is best to stay clear of this fruit.

Fried breakfast: We can picture it now. It’s Sunday morning and you have nothing to do but relax. A fry-up in bed is the best way to start this day of recreation. Once the bacon and eggs have been devoured though, you’re left with the smell of fried food that clings onto your bedsheets, curtains and clothes for far too long.

Croissant: Pastries are a classic breakfast food. Who doesn’t like a warm croissant with their cup of coffee? However, the flaw with pastry based foods is their tendency to produce flaky crumbs. A spillage of croissant crumbs in your bed is bound to ruin anyone’s morning. They are a no-go.

Crab Legs: We can’t really imagine why you would want to eat this in bed? However, if you decide to, then change your mind. Considering this dish requires a HAMMER to get to the edible part of the meal, it shouldn’t be allowed anywhere really, let alone in a bedroom. Imagine jumping into bed to find bits of crab shell. That could be painful.

Jam: The tasty preserve presents a double whammy of problems. Firstly, its sticky nature means that once it is - inevitably - on your fingers, everything you touch will also become sticky. This includes your bedsheets. The second issue is that jam is a lovely bright colour that will stain anything. It is scientifically proven that if you have white bedsheets,  the probability that jam will end up on them increases by 100%. Combine jam with a croissant (see above) and you have yourself a perfect storm.

Red wine: Okay so this isn’t technically food, but sipping a glass of vino in bed sounds like the dream, right? One slip of the hand, however, and your cosy drink could transform your bed into something from a low budget horror movie. Bedsheets ruined, and wine wasted. A bad evening all round.

Chocolate sauce (or basically anything chocolatey): Perhaps the most obvious item of food on this list, but important nonetheless. Chocolate stains are a nightmare to clean and, if found in bed, can be difficult to explain away… It’s definitely best to keep this sweet snack away from the bedroom.

Coffee/Tea: Many of us can’t contemplate leaving bed and starting the day without a morning brew. These shots of caffeine are an essential part of the morning routine. However, unlike milk, spilt coffee or tea is worth crying over. Not only has your morning routine been compromised, but, unless dealt with quickly, the stains on your bed will resemble a yellowish brown impersonation of a tie-dye t-shirt.